Today I read this list of top ten things that annoy the author of this blog post over at http://barstoolsports.com and boy do I have to say that these are just absolutely spot on. I mean for real these things annoy the shit outta me or are just a straight up nuisance. You know I never really thought about how annoying these things were until I read about them. So read through and I’m sure you’ll agree on these and get a good chuckle out of it.

Thanks to the author “KFC” over at http://barstoolsports.com and enjoy.

When you’re in the car and 1 window is open and the rest are closed – Another instance where your ears just get PUMMELED. Its a nice spring day, you’ve got the windows down, and whoever’s sitting shotgun puts theirs up because someone is complaining about their hair or some shit. Next thing you know it feels like you’re in a helicopter and the chopper is just WOMP WOMP WOMPing your ears. Feels like a bouncy ball is just rattling around inside your brain.

Getting buffalo sauce in a hang nail/your eye – Ironically this just happened to me yesterday. Buffalo sauce in your hang nails can be crippling. I almost chopped my finger off. It was too much of a distraction. I might start eating wings with latex gloves. Like buffalo wing condoms. Or how about when you’re done eating but you didn’t use the wet naps yet and you rub your eye. Blinded for at least the next 45 minutes. I think I have my lazy eye because I always do this.

Drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth – I’d rather drink fire than drink orange juice after brushing my teeth. I think it may be the most universally accepted thing in this world. Like most people despise the taste of cough syrup but theres a small amount of people out there who don’t mind it. But nobody, and I mean NOBODY likes OJ after toothpaste.

When you’re walking up/down the steps in the dark and you think there’s one more step but there’s not – Scariest feeling/moment of all time? I think so. When you’re at the top of the steps and you lift your leg up all high to reach the next step but its not there it absolutely feels like you’re falling to your death for 0.01 seconds. That brief fraction of time where you expect your foot to be on the step and its not and you awkwardly clop your foot out there like a horse feels like someone has sabotaged your staircase and you’re falling off a cliff.

Being stuck as Marco when you’re playing Marco Polo as a kid – There were times when I was convinced I was never going to catch someone. You ever feel that way? The swimming pool felt as big as the ocean and all the Polos were like silent ninjas. Part of me thinks that there might be someone out there who’s been in a pool for the past 14 years yelling Marco. Obviously I eventually just started screaming fish out of water and opened my eyes underwater and shit, but there were times I thought I was sentenced to eternity as a blind kid in a pool thrashing around like a retard. Seriously I think when i die and go to hell that will be my punishment – eternity as Marco.

Farting in the shower – Everyone loves their own brand, right? Not when you’re in the shower. You fart in the shower and somehow the water and the soap and the steam and the fart all combine for some sort of chemical reaction and you just gas yourself. All cooped up in your shower and your bathroom like its Auschwitz. Before I spend eternal damnation as Marco I’ll probably fart myself to death in the shower.

The feeling that you’ve lost your Metro North ticket 30 seconds after you bought it – Happens every time I buy a train ticket. Did I put it in my front pocket? Back pocket? In my wallet? Oh wait its still in my fucking hand. That temporary moment of panic is the worst. I don’t know why either. Its like an 8 dollar ticket. You would think I just lost my newborn child the way I start rifling through my pockets.

Button Flys on jeans – Absolutely no logical reason to trap your penis inside of your jeans with 4 buttons. I don’t even know why I have a pair, but somehow button up jeans made it into my rotation. If I’m ever drunk at the bar wearing them I spend the whole night worried that I’m going to piss my pants. Standing right in front of the urinal and I just can’t get the buttons undone in time.

Texting/IMing the wrong person – The moment you press send and realize you’ve texted/IMed the wrong person is another split second where you’d rather die. Because what always happens is that you’re bad mouthing someone behind their back so because their name is on your mind you bring up their email or their number and you text them all the bad shit you’re saying about them. And you just wish that you could jump inside of your computer or your phone and chase after that message and catch up to it before the person receives it. You wish you could hunt down the physical message but its too late. You’re already an asshole.

The little triangle on the windshield of your car that the wipers can’t reach – I fucking HATE that triangle. Little sharks fin on your windshield that never gets touched. I just stare and stare and stare every time the wipers go thinking MAYBE this is the time the wipers reach it. Just pisses me off.

Stubbing your toe/biting your tongue – No explanation necessary. Worst pain imaginable.

Other shit I hate: Bars that don’t have a metal bar running along the bottom for you to rest your feet on. Pushing a shopping cart with a broken wheel, car windows that only go down half way, when one TV at the bar is on a delay and a little bit behind all the others, and last but not least KETCHUP WATER.